Highly focused practice and feedback along with my friend Zach’s special insight has an amazing effect.
Outside by the foreshore on a nice sunny Vancouver winter Sunday afternoon Zach took me through a couple of his new exercises designed to teach high status behavior. These exercises took no longer than an hour but I did not quite anticipate the effect they would soon have.
The next day I had decided to go to Whistler for a days skiing.
Now normally I find myself sitting quietly by myself or with friends passively observing or lost in my own thoughts in social situations. This is not to say I can’t participate occasionally but that somehow I frequently chose not to. It is something I would like to change. Now I know I can.
My day a skiing was somewhat different. After getting on the bus and settling in for my usual quiet contemplation of life I soon find my self chatting to a guy and girl sitting near me. I made the first move. Interesting people.
After this I didn’t get into a gondola for a ride up the mountain without chatting with the people inside. I approached a mother and daughter at a coffee shop for a conversation (OK there were a couple of “will I” / “won’t I” moments on that one… but it was easier than ever before). I chatted with another family after my next coffee break. Another time while conversing with a husband and wife at the table next to me the girls from a nearby table decide to join in the conversation.
It was a remarkable day for me but the aftereffects were not over.
On my bus trip from Vancouver to Seattle a couple of days later the bus driver, unfamiliar with the route, got lost. She ended up getting stuck trying to turn around in a tight parking lot. She was getting very flustered so I offered to take over. I then directed someone to watch the back of the bus and smoothly (ha… it’s a good thing that no-one had an open drink up the back) maneuvered the bus backwards and forwards around the tight corner, skillfully ;-) just avoiding a sign and a ditch on the other side of the road. I then gave the driver a short neck massage and comforting words to calm her down so that she could safely drive us the rest of the way.
I should say I have a license to drive heavy vehicles but I have never driven a coach. I did, however, have a clear idea how to solve her problem. The relaxed dominance attitude that Zach and Social Fluency has started to instill in me allowed me to bring my existing skills to the fore where they were more useful. I anticipate this will benefit me enormously in my work.
Zach didn’t give me any new knowledge. I had heard it all before. The difference was the teaching techniques and the exercises Zach used to have an impact on my emotional self.
It’s not the end. I will have to do more learning and deliberate practice to consolidate this change. I’m lazy and I will need more support from “Social Fluency” and my friends.
They’re getting that covered too. There’ll be no short-term boot camp highs with Social Fluency just an avalanche of change gradually gathering momentum as they gently guide you towards social mastery.
- Tim F